Yes, I'm in Love with a Fictional Character...

Lovely to be sitting here with you…

His arm around me while we sit on the couch. He holds my hand when I’m nervous or overwhelmed or depressed. He cards his fingers through my hair or places a hand on my shoulder or leg just to remind me he’s here.

Touch me like nobody else does…

His body enfolds me. He’s warm and I can hear his heartbeat as I rest my head on his chest. He draws circles on my hand until I fall asleep.

But it’s not real. And you don’t exist.

Oh, I forgot to mention. He’s a fictional character.

Record scratch

                  Now if you read that and a specific person came to mind and that person was a fictional character, this is for you.

                  And if not and you’re cringing…I don’t know what to tell you. Stick around—maybe you’ll learn something or just judge the rest of us harder. Either way works.

                  I am about to espouse the amazing things about comfort characters. No shame. No holding back.

                  Now let’s start with an obvious disclaimer—I know that one shouldn’t replace real relationships with fictional ones and comfort characters don’t negate the need for therapy. I promise I’m not sitting in the dark, pretending to be held by a make-believe man.

                  Not 24/7, at least.

                  As before mentioned, I’m talking about comfort characters. As the term suggests, these are characters who provide comfort. A comfort character can be chosen based on a wide range of factors. Hellel Abrams Gerber from The Science Survey lists “relatability, personality, sense of humor, or opportunity for escapism.” It can be as deep as “I relate to his struggle with XYZ” or simply “He’s hot.”

                  Imagining your comfort character can positively impact mental health. As many other Fictional Men Fanatics have reported, my comfort characters stave off panic attacks and help with depressive episodes. Because other tools aren’t always in reach. At work, I can’t always get up mid-procedure or ask my patient for a hug (can you imagine?). Real people aren’t always free for a call and text messages require waiting for a reply.

                  But I can close my eyes for a second and imagine Sam Winchester hugging me anytime anywhere.

Karen Lu from Study Breaks Magazine also explains that having a comfort character can mean you’re an empathetic person, and they can make you a better person too as you strive to emulate their qualities. “Having a comfort character can mean that you have above-average empathy and that you feel things more strongly…Studies have also shown how comfort characters can actually inspire and improve people.” Both Lu and Gerber talk about channeling or admiring characteristics of comfort characters.

I don’t know what that says about my love for Alastor from Hazbin Hotel, but okay.

                  You may say my comfort characters are a crutch. The religiously inclined may say they’re a distraction from God. But I’m learning through them. It started out I needed someone outside of myself to say these things—to tell me I’m strong, to let me know I’m okay. But their voices have started to shift. More and more often I can say these kind words to myself.

                  Even more than that, their comforting words can come from another source. More than once I’ve received an encouraging word from a fictional person, only to remind myself (or be reminded) that I have a very real source of comfort in the form of the Holy Spirit. In his book Universal Christ, Richard Rohr inspires us to see the act of loving as experiencing God, whether we call it that or not. I’m sure getting cheered on by an anime boy wasn’t what he was envisioning, but if it’s teaching me to love better and to lean on God’s love, who’s to say God isn’t in even this.

                  So does this mean that I’ll eventually give up on my comfort characters?

                  I don’t think so. Because at the end of the day, it’s just fun to pretend to be having a conversation, snuggling, or…other stuff-ing with a classy Radio Demon or a dangerous assassin or a sexy demon hunter or an adorable socially inept angel. Because life is too short to not let your imagination have free reign every now and then. The older I get the more I return to the things I was embarrassed about—the things I thought I had to leave behind to be an adult—the more I let myself dream like a child. Because stifling that in the first place was pretty stupid.

                  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to run this article by my comfort characters. If it ever sees the light of day, it’s because they approve.

                  I’m kidding.

                  Mostly.

References

Gerber. (2022) Comfort Characters: An Exploration of Fandoms and Fictions. The Science Survey. https://thesciencesurvey.com/arts-entertainment/2022/07/21/comfort-characters-an-exploration-of-fandoms-and-fiction/#:~:text=Comfort%20characters%20can%20be%20defined,or%20ambitious%20about%20their%20future.

Lu. (2021). Emotionally Bonding with a Fictional Character? There's a Term for That: Comfort Characters. Study Breaks Magazine. https://studybreaks.com/culture/reads/emotionally-bonding-with-a-fictional-character-theres-a-term-for-that-comfort-characters/#google_vignette

Rohr. (2021) The Universal Christ. Convergent Books